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How you can help your children adapt to the realities of your divorce

| Sep 30, 2020 | Divorce |

When you go through a divorce, it’s essential to make sure your children feel comfortable with the newness they encounter. As you prepare for court or solidify a custody schedule, it’s not too early to think ahead about how you can help your children acclimate to living in two separate homes.

It’ll be a lot more effective if you and your co-parent vow to work together on making your child’s transition more seamless. There are also tactics you can use one-on-one with your child to guide them through this season of change.

Thoughtful co-parenting

Children, while they might begin to display personality traits that are unique to them at a young age, might not fully understand their place in this great big world yet. To support your children to the fullest extent and give them a sense of belonging, you’ll want to make sure their relationship with each parent is as strong as ever.

Make sure you don’t reinforce the that they are in any way shape or form to blame for your separation or force them choose you over their other parent. You can do this by speaking directly to your ex instead of having your child be your messenger. You can also help your child feel more secure and connected to both you and your ex by refraining from making a spectacle of your disagreements in front of them.

Legitimizing feelings

It’s possible that you’ve already told your children about your divorce. Maybe they didn’t take the news about your separation lightly or maybe they don’t know what to make of the news yet. No matter what their reaction was, it’s important to let your children know you are all ears whenever they are ready to talk about the divorce.

Let your children know that it’s okay for them to feel emotional about how their family structure is changing and is out of their control. Ask them how they are feeling months after your settlement, so you can continue to help them learn how to identify and deal with emotions in healthy ways. If you ever feel like your children are acting out in ways that feel unmanageable or your co-parent is being difficult, remember you can seek legal, third-party or mental health help as needed.