Going through a divorce is hard on parents, but it can also be even more difficult on children. Everything a child has known their entire life is being changed. They no longer have the security of both parents living in one home.
There are several things that parents can do that will make the situation much easier, and there are some that can make it harder on them. As you work through your divorce and the period after, be sure you avoid the following missteps.
Don’t ask them to be messengers
Never ask your children to pass messages between you and your ex. There’s a chance that your ex may react in a negative manner and the children don’t need to hear that. They may also relay messages incorrectly, which can also lead to issues.
Don’t ask them to be spies
While it’s acceptable to ask your children about their time at their other parent’s house, you shouldn’t try to get them to be your spy. What happens at your ex’s house isn’t your concern unless there’s something that violates the court order or puts the children in harm’s way.
Don’t ask them to choose between parents
Children shouldn’t have to choose between their parents. They’re entitled to enjoy the time they spend at both homes, so make it clear to them that you encourage them to have a meaningful relationship with your ex.
Don’t ask them to be sounding boards
You may need someone to vent to about your ex and the divorce, but that person shouldn’t ever be your children. Negative things you say about their other parent can impact the children considerably. In some cases, badmouthing the other parent may be construed as parental alienation.
Having a solid parenting plan set up is one of the best ways you can provide stability for your children as your marriage ends. Working with a legal representative who can assist you with getting the terms set in a way that reflects the child’s best interests may help to reduce your stress while you’re moving forward.